I can use this money to take my family for a much-deserved holiday or use as down payment for a nice car or contribute to college fund for my kids or add to my retirement savings. All these kind thoughts have tormented me in the last few days. I have gone thru this painful assessment whenever I have to make a donation to a charity. I also, research to death about the organization to which I intend to donate and always look for their shortcomings and failures rather than their successes and wonderful work they have done. In fact I am looking for a way out for not making a donation.
I believe one of the reasons for my shortcomings is the way we are brought up in our countries of origin in the Middle East and East Asia. In these countries there is no tradition to donate to charitable organizations. There is a mistrust of charitable organizations and rightfully so based on their record. Most of the organizations in our countries of origin are either corrupt or use the money to advance their personal agenda. Therefore, instead of developing and nourishing charitable organizations, vast majority of the populace use private means to hand out charity. This practice has continued in our adopted countries in the West. This is why the Zakat contributions to Muslim charitable organizations are dismal. Everyone either uses private means to dispense charity. There are a handful of Muslim charities among the thousands of charities listed on the United Way Campaign. In addition, those charities that are listed give up because lack of participation and donations.
Parental influence and their practical demonstration of giving charity has a strong influence of how their offspring behave later. Recently, I met some one who told me that the reasons he started helping in construction or maintenance of mosques was the memory of his father walking door to door in the streets of an affluent neighborhood of Karachi to collect funds for a new mosque construction. He remembered how the dogs and security guards chased his father out of different houses but he persevered. The mosque his father helped build is now a vibrant institution. He wanted to emulate his father and was able to resist all the resistance and criticism of his fellow Muslims and local governments and organizations in doing so.
Private means to distribute charity is an age-old tradition among the Muslims based on the examples prophet Mohammad pbuh and the four Caliphs after him. However, I do not believe that these traditions or Quran have any advice against giving out charity to organizations. In fact, in early history of Islam, Zakat organizations were organized and sponsored by the state. The Quran states, “Those who spend their possessions (for the sake of God) by night and day, secretly and openly, shall have their reward with their Sustainer, (2-274),”
Another bad habit I have when I donate clothing and furniture for charity is that I only donate it when it is in a bad shape. One local Muslim aid organization told me that they have to dump a large proportion of clothes that they receive because they are usually unwashed, dirty, and cannot be worn. This adds to the organizations expenses instead of help they request.
Having gone over different aspects of giving charity, I want to share how I overcome my fears and thoughts to write out that check. I have had first hand experience of what God has promised in Quran, which states, “Satan threatens you with prospect of poverty and bids you to be niggardly, whereas god promises His forgiveness and bounty, and God is infinite, all knowing (2-268). I remember that after my sizable contribution to charity, I got more money than I contributed from a source of which I had never thought of or contemplated. This reinforced my belief in what Quaran states, “The parable of those who spend their possessions for the sake of God is that of a grain out of which grow seven ears, in every ear a hundred grain; for God grants manifold increase unto, whom He wills, and God is infinite, all knowing (2-261).” Of course, I am not a saint, and some time I fail but I am still trying to overcome the fear of poverty and desire to spend the money on expensive holidays and things.
The best part of writing that check is the great relief and happiness you get afterwards which is hard to describe. I hope this personal narrative helps some one like me to overcome the fear of giving and may Allah forgives me to be so open about it. I hope my intentions are correct. If it helps some one, please pray for me in this month of Ramadan. I still believe that charity is the best-kept secret for long term and short term gains which we under utilize.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Tibet Tootpaste and Root Canal
Last week I went to the dentist to get a root canal for one my tooth. It cost me more than $1000.0 or about one lakh Pakistani Rupees. This does not include the crown for the tooth which will cost another $800.00. This is still cheap because the dentist who is a fellow Pakistani with a degree in dentistry from Punjab University gave me a discount.
On the way back from the dentist, I started reminiscing about the first toot paste, and how valuable, it was to me. More than 50 years ago, when I was in the elementary school, I got my own Tibet toothpaste. I still remember saving money for it and going frequently to the general store to check the prices of the toothpaste. The Tibet toothpaste was the cheapest because it was made in Pakistan while the Kolynos toothpaste was foreign made cost more than twice the Tibet toothpaste. Finally, I had saved up about three rupees and went to different stores to check prices and found the best deal. I proudly brought my toothpaste and used it instead of the tooth powder or Churan or powdered charcoal to clean my teeth.
Of course my teeth survived well even after the bad dental care during childhood because we did not have access to candies, sweets, and cakes as the Americans kids do these days. They end up costing their parents a lot of money with dentists and orthodontists. However, the neglect for the teeth finally catch up with me when I was in Medina, Saudi Arabia, in 1968. The throbbing pain necessitated that I visit an Arab dentist.
I still shudder when I remember how this Arab dentist treated me. He had a drill just like the electric drill I bought from Home Depot to drill holes in the wall and wood. It was menacing and bulky. He drilled several of my tooth to fill cavities which brought timely relief. Of course it did not last long because a few months after the pain reappeared while I was a student in England. I and the dentist took full advantage of my student status and National Health Service to remove the cavities filled by the Arab dentist and insert new material. The dentist also removed my wisdom teeth; however, he was unsuccessful in removing one of badly placed molar and broke it. He left the broken piece under the gums and said that it will be OK for the next 20 years.
Having realized the importance of healthy teeth, I tried to keep hygiene thereafter. This ended when playing racquetball at a remote campsite, I broke my front tooth by hit from my own racket. Of course, every one in the camp thought, including my wife and kids, thought that I had a fight in the bar. It took several days to find a Korean dentist in the nearest town 60 miles away and travel there to get tooth fixed using special crazy glue type of adhesive and adding additional material. Of course, the repaired tooth has broken two times since then in the last 15 years. The last time the dentist told me that if it breaks again, I will need root canal and crown job.
The recent need for the root canal started while I was in Phoenix on a business trip. The pain started again. I remembered the words of one of niece's husband that our Sheikh family is so large that wherever you go in the world in different continents, you can find a relative. Therefore, I looked up for one of my distant relatives Dr. Shafi who is a dentist and practice in Phoenix area. However, with the pressure of time and not to embarrass myself in visiting his surgery in time of need, I flew back home to Washington DC area.
Once in my own home town, I used all the connections to get treatment fast. I called up the young dentist Saba Elahi who is a relative and whom I have seen grow up as a child. She was busy but checked me out during her lunch hour. She provide temporary relief and medicine. Thereafter another dentist Noor Imtiaz took over and did the root canal on an accelerated schedule.
This brings me back to the cost of my Tibet toothpaste and root canal treatment. The cost of the root canal is about 100,000 times more than the toothpaste. How the age and time leaves you with stories you want to tell but no one wants to listen; therefore, you put them on your blog.
On the way back from the dentist, I started reminiscing about the first toot paste, and how valuable, it was to me. More than 50 years ago, when I was in the elementary school, I got my own Tibet toothpaste. I still remember saving money for it and going frequently to the general store to check the prices of the toothpaste. The Tibet toothpaste was the cheapest because it was made in Pakistan while the Kolynos toothpaste was foreign made cost more than twice the Tibet toothpaste. Finally, I had saved up about three rupees and went to different stores to check prices and found the best deal. I proudly brought my toothpaste and used it instead of the tooth powder or Churan or powdered charcoal to clean my teeth.
Of course my teeth survived well even after the bad dental care during childhood because we did not have access to candies, sweets, and cakes as the Americans kids do these days. They end up costing their parents a lot of money with dentists and orthodontists. However, the neglect for the teeth finally catch up with me when I was in Medina, Saudi Arabia, in 1968. The throbbing pain necessitated that I visit an Arab dentist.
I still shudder when I remember how this Arab dentist treated me. He had a drill just like the electric drill I bought from Home Depot to drill holes in the wall and wood. It was menacing and bulky. He drilled several of my tooth to fill cavities which brought timely relief. Of course it did not last long because a few months after the pain reappeared while I was a student in England. I and the dentist took full advantage of my student status and National Health Service to remove the cavities filled by the Arab dentist and insert new material. The dentist also removed my wisdom teeth; however, he was unsuccessful in removing one of badly placed molar and broke it. He left the broken piece under the gums and said that it will be OK for the next 20 years.
Having realized the importance of healthy teeth, I tried to keep hygiene thereafter. This ended when playing racquetball at a remote campsite, I broke my front tooth by hit from my own racket. Of course, every one in the camp thought, including my wife and kids, thought that I had a fight in the bar. It took several days to find a Korean dentist in the nearest town 60 miles away and travel there to get tooth fixed using special crazy glue type of adhesive and adding additional material. Of course, the repaired tooth has broken two times since then in the last 15 years. The last time the dentist told me that if it breaks again, I will need root canal and crown job.
The recent need for the root canal started while I was in Phoenix on a business trip. The pain started again. I remembered the words of one of niece's husband that our Sheikh family is so large that wherever you go in the world in different continents, you can find a relative. Therefore, I looked up for one of my distant relatives Dr. Shafi who is a dentist and practice in Phoenix area. However, with the pressure of time and not to embarrass myself in visiting his surgery in time of need, I flew back home to Washington DC area.
Once in my own home town, I used all the connections to get treatment fast. I called up the young dentist Saba Elahi who is a relative and whom I have seen grow up as a child. She was busy but checked me out during her lunch hour. She provide temporary relief and medicine. Thereafter another dentist Noor Imtiaz took over and did the root canal on an accelerated schedule.
This brings me back to the cost of my Tibet toothpaste and root canal treatment. The cost of the root canal is about 100,000 times more than the toothpaste. How the age and time leaves you with stories you want to tell but no one wants to listen; therefore, you put them on your blog.
Body Language
Last weekend, I attended the marriage and Valima ceremeonies of the son of a dear friend. My friend's son and his bride are very pious and subscribe to the Salafi school. Therefore, the gathering during the both ceremonies was divided into male and female sections which were completely separated (sealed) from each other.
Both ceremonies main event was a speech by an Imam. I was lucky to be in the male section, because the poor women could only hear his voice. As is the case in such gatherings, the women did not pay much attention to the speech and carried on with their own conversations about clothes, jewelery, and kids. This bothered the groom's sister, who asked the Imam to announce that women should be silent and attentive to his words of wisdom.
There is ammple scientific research and data that has determined that words only count 7 percent of the total communication. The remaining 93 percent of the message is the non verbal and involves body language, eye contact, and delivery. In addition, research has shown that no human being has attention span for a speech of more than 20 minutes. Therefore, I wondered if the reason for the women for not paying attention was lack of visual contact and access to body language. In addition, the same Imam on both days went on for about 40 minutes and were holding the guests from the festive and expensive dinner at a world class hotel until 10:00 PM. I could see that most of the persons in the male section had tuned out the message from the Imam and were looking at their watches or fiddling with their cell phones.
This made me wonder who is responsible for such an ineffective communication on such a special and festive occasion. I know that some persons will blame me for this write-up but we have to own our problems and deficiencies before we can solve the Muslim communities deep rooted problems. We cannot continue with a similar approach in our religious institutions and let the young men and women walk away from real Islam. The first an easiest solution is for the speaker be asked to view his video taped presentation. In addition. even in separate gatherings there should be video transmitted by a large TV from the mens section to the women section.
Both ceremonies main event was a speech by an Imam. I was lucky to be in the male section, because the poor women could only hear his voice. As is the case in such gatherings, the women did not pay much attention to the speech and carried on with their own conversations about clothes, jewelery, and kids. This bothered the groom's sister, who asked the Imam to announce that women should be silent and attentive to his words of wisdom.
There is ammple scientific research and data that has determined that words only count 7 percent of the total communication. The remaining 93 percent of the message is the non verbal and involves body language, eye contact, and delivery. In addition, research has shown that no human being has attention span for a speech of more than 20 minutes. Therefore, I wondered if the reason for the women for not paying attention was lack of visual contact and access to body language. In addition, the same Imam on both days went on for about 40 minutes and were holding the guests from the festive and expensive dinner at a world class hotel until 10:00 PM. I could see that most of the persons in the male section had tuned out the message from the Imam and were looking at their watches or fiddling with their cell phones.
This made me wonder who is responsible for such an ineffective communication on such a special and festive occasion. I know that some persons will blame me for this write-up but we have to own our problems and deficiencies before we can solve the Muslim communities deep rooted problems. We cannot continue with a similar approach in our religious institutions and let the young men and women walk away from real Islam. The first an easiest solution is for the speaker be asked to view his video taped presentation. In addition. even in separate gatherings there should be video transmitted by a large TV from the mens section to the women section.
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