Marriage Between Muslims and Non-Muslims

Recently I watched Dr. Asrar Ahmed answering audience questions on TV in Britain.  He is considered to be an expert on Islam and Quran, and has a large following among the elite Pakistanis who are religiously observant.  I was amazed by his advice to the audience that in the current environment of the Western countries, it is not advisable even for Muslim men to marry non-Muslims even though it is allowed by the sharia.

Having lived in the West for 40 years now, I reflected on the marriages of some of my friends and relatives who married non-muslims.  I did not have to look too far.  My two brother in laws married two non-muslims who as I observed intially converted to Islam at the time of marriage with no serious commitment.  Both of these women later on became examplary Muslims and raised great Muslim kids (See one of them Kwon Shaikh at a hearing for a Silicon Valley Mosque (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyqjgyzSBj0).  They both ended up as principals of Sunday schools of the largest Islamic centers in California.   One of them even became the principal of a full time Islamic school.  Another of my relative's mom of Christain faith married a fellow Muslim Algerian graduate student.  She now runs a much needed community center for Muslims in California. This is the only center that I know of in USA which has a developed a modified 12 step program for alcoholics.  Alcoholism is a wide spread among Muslims and the traditional mosques in USA seems to think that it does not exist in the Muslim Americans.

The marriage of Muslim women to non-Muslim men who convert for convenience of getting married has also been beneficial to Muslim community at large.  I remember one physcian in Augusta, Georgia who married a fellow Muslim woman physcian.  I remember him coming to the mosque every Sunday early in the morning when no one else was there to cut the grass and maitain the lawns.  He and his wife later donated one million dollars to the top and famous liberal arts college, Swarthmore, to establish a center of Islamic studies.  

I find that in the current climate, it is extremely difficult for young Muslim men and women to get married in USA.  The immigrant parents of both the boys and the girls are looking only for physcians and no one else.  A quick check of Muslim matrimonial websites and adevertisements in Muslim magazines will confirm this.   The mate selection is solely a business proposition.  The concept of dowry from the sub-continent is still practiced in USA.  However, instead of the money and household goods the dowry is the financial prospects of the groom or the bride.  This is specially true of the mothers of the would be grooms and brides.   This concept is alien to the young Muslims who are brought up here and want to get married.   I believe, we should encourage young Muslim women and men to marry with persons who are different faith but who are willing to convert before the marriage and are of good character.

I summary, I beg to differ with Dr. Asrar Ahmed in this instance.  

Graduations

Forty years ago, I participated in the graduation ceremony at Southampton University in United Kingdom.  I do not remember any thing about the the ceremony except that I had to rent a black gown with a blue hood.  I wore my black off the shelf interview suit with brown hush puppy shoes over the objections of my sister and brother in law who were my two guests.   I was constantly reminded of this bad fashion statement whenever some one saw my only photograph of the event shaking hand with the chancellor of the university in my brown hush puppies.  I do not remember who the key note speaker was and what was the subject of his speech.

I found that the things have not changed much in forty years while attending graduation ceremony of one of my relatives who was part of graduating class of the of the Wharton School of Business in Philadelphia today.   I pity one of the students in the parade who wore light blue trousers.  He will be reminded for ever about it future like me.  

The only difference this time was that I paid attention was to the speech by 2006 Noble Peace Prize reciepient, Dr Younus of Bengladesh.  He described the history of Garmin bank and how it changed the lives of millions in Bengladesh and several other countries.  He advised the freshly minted MBAs from the world's top most institution that they should try do things contrary to traditions.  He stated that while the large banks have gone bankrupt by lending to rich people with lot of collateral and written deeds drafted by lawyers, the Garmin Bank remains solvent becuase it lends to poor women who are not considered credit worthy by big banks.  The remarakable thing about Garmin bank is that it started with a total capital of $27, and by now has lent more than a billion dollars around the world without paperwork and lawyers.

Dr. Younus told the graduates that making money in itself should not be an end but a means to bring a social change in the society.  I sat there and wondered how many of the 890 freshly minted MBAs will follow his advice since they spent $200K in fees and expenses to buy the MBA degree from Wharton.  They have to repay the loans for years and will start chasing money at all costs.  The sad part is that 45 percent of these MBAs do not have a job yet due to the financial crises created mostly by MBAs who graduated over the years.  I consider myself lucky since I bought a graduate degree in engineering from Southampton for a meagre 400 dollars which is worth today about $3000 accounting for inflation over 40 years.  The return on this investment of $400 over forty years is better than any of the top performing stocks or mutual funds.

  

Quran's Guidance About Interpersonal Relations

Translation of a portion of Chapter 46 of the Quran

049.011

O you who believe! let not (one) people laugh at (another) people perchance they may be better than they, nor let women (laugh) at (other) women, perchance they may be better than they; and do not find fault with your own people nor call one another by nicknames; evil is a bad name after faith, and whoever does not turn, these it is that are the unjust.

049.012 

O you who believe! avoid most of suspicion, for surely suspicion in some cases is a sin, and do not spy nor let some of you backbite others. Does one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? But you abhor it; and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, surely Allah is Oft-returning (to mercy), Merciful.

049.013 
O you men! surely We have created you of a male and a female, and made you tribes and families that you may know each other; surely the most honorable of you with Allah is the one among you most careful (of his duty); surely Allah is Knowing, Aware.

We all have committed sins by backbiting.  I hope and pray that I can change my habits.