Marriage Between Muslims and Non-Muslims

Recently I watched Dr. Asrar Ahmed answering audience questions on TV in Britain.  He is considered to be an expert on Islam and Quran, and has a large following among the elite Pakistanis who are religiously observant.  I was amazed by his advice to the audience that in the current environment of the Western countries, it is not advisable even for Muslim men to marry non-Muslims even though it is allowed by the sharia.

Having lived in the West for 40 years now, I reflected on the marriages of some of my friends and relatives who married non-muslims.  I did not have to look too far.  My two brother in laws married two non-muslims who as I observed intially converted to Islam at the time of marriage with no serious commitment.  Both of these women later on became examplary Muslims and raised great Muslim kids (See one of them Kwon Shaikh at a hearing for a Silicon Valley Mosque (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyqjgyzSBj0).  They both ended up as principals of Sunday schools of the largest Islamic centers in California.   One of them even became the principal of a full time Islamic school.  Another of my relative's mom of Christain faith married a fellow Muslim Algerian graduate student.  She now runs a much needed community center for Muslims in California. This is the only center that I know of in USA which has a developed a modified 12 step program for alcoholics.  Alcoholism is a wide spread among Muslims and the traditional mosques in USA seems to think that it does not exist in the Muslim Americans.

The marriage of Muslim women to non-Muslim men who convert for convenience of getting married has also been beneficial to Muslim community at large.  I remember one physcian in Augusta, Georgia who married a fellow Muslim woman physcian.  I remember him coming to the mosque every Sunday early in the morning when no one else was there to cut the grass and maitain the lawns.  He and his wife later donated one million dollars to the top and famous liberal arts college, Swarthmore, to establish a center of Islamic studies.  

I find that in the current climate, it is extremely difficult for young Muslim men and women to get married in USA.  The immigrant parents of both the boys and the girls are looking only for physcians and no one else.  A quick check of Muslim matrimonial websites and adevertisements in Muslim magazines will confirm this.   The mate selection is solely a business proposition.  The concept of dowry from the sub-continent is still practiced in USA.  However, instead of the money and household goods the dowry is the financial prospects of the groom or the bride.  This is specially true of the mothers of the would be grooms and brides.   This concept is alien to the young Muslims who are brought up here and want to get married.   I believe, we should encourage young Muslim women and men to marry with persons who are different faith but who are willing to convert before the marriage and are of good character.

I summary, I beg to differ with Dr. Asrar Ahmed in this instance.  

Graduations

Forty years ago, I participated in the graduation ceremony at Southampton University in United Kingdom.  I do not remember any thing about the the ceremony except that I had to rent a black gown with a blue hood.  I wore my black off the shelf interview suit with brown hush puppy shoes over the objections of my sister and brother in law who were my two guests.   I was constantly reminded of this bad fashion statement whenever some one saw my only photograph of the event shaking hand with the chancellor of the university in my brown hush puppies.  I do not remember who the key note speaker was and what was the subject of his speech.

I found that the things have not changed much in forty years while attending graduation ceremony of one of my relatives who was part of graduating class of the of the Wharton School of Business in Philadelphia today.   I pity one of the students in the parade who wore light blue trousers.  He will be reminded for ever about it future like me.  

The only difference this time was that I paid attention was to the speech by 2006 Noble Peace Prize reciepient, Dr Younus of Bengladesh.  He described the history of Garmin bank and how it changed the lives of millions in Bengladesh and several other countries.  He advised the freshly minted MBAs from the world's top most institution that they should try do things contrary to traditions.  He stated that while the large banks have gone bankrupt by lending to rich people with lot of collateral and written deeds drafted by lawyers, the Garmin Bank remains solvent becuase it lends to poor women who are not considered credit worthy by big banks.  The remarakable thing about Garmin bank is that it started with a total capital of $27, and by now has lent more than a billion dollars around the world without paperwork and lawyers.

Dr. Younus told the graduates that making money in itself should not be an end but a means to bring a social change in the society.  I sat there and wondered how many of the 890 freshly minted MBAs will follow his advice since they spent $200K in fees and expenses to buy the MBA degree from Wharton.  They have to repay the loans for years and will start chasing money at all costs.  The sad part is that 45 percent of these MBAs do not have a job yet due to the financial crises created mostly by MBAs who graduated over the years.  I consider myself lucky since I bought a graduate degree in engineering from Southampton for a meagre 400 dollars which is worth today about $3000 accounting for inflation over 40 years.  The return on this investment of $400 over forty years is better than any of the top performing stocks or mutual funds.

  

Quran's Guidance About Interpersonal Relations

Translation of a portion of Chapter 46 of the Quran

049.011

O you who believe! let not (one) people laugh at (another) people perchance they may be better than they, nor let women (laugh) at (other) women, perchance they may be better than they; and do not find fault with your own people nor call one another by nicknames; evil is a bad name after faith, and whoever does not turn, these it is that are the unjust.

049.012 

O you who believe! avoid most of suspicion, for surely suspicion in some cases is a sin, and do not spy nor let some of you backbite others. Does one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? But you abhor it; and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, surely Allah is Oft-returning (to mercy), Merciful.

049.013 
O you men! surely We have created you of a male and a female, and made you tribes and families that you may know each other; surely the most honorable of you with Allah is the one among you most careful (of his duty); surely Allah is Knowing, Aware.

We all have committed sins by backbiting.  I hope and pray that I can change my habits.  

Cars and Drivers

The other day, while driving on lonely country road in Maryland in my prized Lexus with seat warmers, GPS, and other gadgets, I started reminiscing about my first experience of driving a car on a secluded road in Britain.

Having come from Pakistan from a family without a car, finished graduate school in England, landed a job, I felt the need to learn driving and own a car to join the Jones and impress others. I went to a driving school and the instructor took me to a remote corner of the city on a secluded country road. We exchanged places, and finally I was in the drivers seat. Then the instructor asked me if I know which pedal is the brake and which one is for shifting gear. I could see the look of amazement on the instructor's face when I told him that I do not. How could he imagine that a 25 year old have no knowledge of such things. Finally he showed me the stuff and he let me drive even though he was scared of his life.

Being a traditional hardworking and competitive immigrant, I devoted time and money to learn to drive the English stick shift car during my lunch breaks with the instructor. I even bought a beat up beetle Volkswagen to accelerate the driving license process. I would bribe my English roommates with fish and chips or curry if they would sit with me in the car while I practice the three point turn U turn without touching the narrow curbs of British roads or parallel parking.

Finally, I convinced the instructor that I am ready for the driving test even though he was not certain. We arrived at the test station, and he got out of the car and wished me luck while the examiner got comfortable in his seat. After the examiner told me to drive, I dutifully checked my mirrors and made the move. Things went well for about 10 minutes until we arrived at busy narrow road and he told me to turn left. There was a huge truck in front of me so I missed the turning and instructor shouted at me for not following instructions.

Having figured by then that I will fail the test, I kept my cool, and made a successful three point U turn and returned back to the original route. Thereafter, I just followed the instructions blindly until the end of the test because, I had lost all hope and waiting for the test to end. Once we were back at the testing facility, the examiner told me to park the car and started the oral examination. By then, I was enjoying this pretension of the test. So when he asked me about how to enter the motorway, being a civil highway engineer, I told him about the design speed and curves of the entrance and exit lanes. The questions then ended and after a long pause, he told me that I passed the test to my unbelief.

The driving instructor was also surprised by the result of my passing the test in first attempt. It was considered a greater achievement among my immediate circle of Pakistani and Indian colleagues. This was more than getting a PhD. Some of my colleagues and friends from Indian subcontinent left England for Australia and USA without ever getting the drivers license even though they had tried several times. Of course it was a piece of cake for them to get drivers license in USA and Australia.

The following weekend after the passing the drivers test, I drove from Bedford to London in my red beetle to show off to my friends and family. Of course on a busy Friday night, I was lost in the city and went round Piccadilly circle several times. The car did not have a fuel gage and got struck on the road with no gas. I had to walk to nearest gas station and beg for a can of gas hoping the car is not ticketed or towed away. With my Lexus, I would not have all this trouble, it tells me where to go and how many miles left before the next fill up. However, I will still trade my Lexus for the beat up beetle and delight of driving a car on my own first time.

No Muslim American in Obama's Cabinet

More than two million Muslim Americans voted for President Elect Obama. This was a historic vote in which 90 percent of the Muslims vote went to the democratic candidates. This was in spite of Mr. Obama reluctance to be associated with any main stream Muslim organizations such as CAIR, MAS, American Muslim Task Force. He was careful to such an extent that he never came any where near a mosque or a Muslim gathering. His campaign sacked the Muslim coordinator.

Young Muslims campaigned enthusiastically for Obama even though two Hijab wearing women were removed from the a Obama rally by the his campaign workers. He refused to acknowledge his Pakistani and Muslim friends from college days. Despite all this Muslims voted for Mr. Obama. Their vote was taken for granted by the democratic party just like in the past African American voters were taken for granted.

Of course Obama's campaign collected record number of campaign contributions from rich Muslim physicians and businessmen. These persons were happy to have the fundraisers in their luxury homes and photographs taken with the different senators, congressmen, and governors. They tried to prove these surrogates that they are the good Muslims, the secular Muslims, and do not care for the mosques or majority of Muslims who have beards, wear hijabs, and frequent these mosques.

Guess what these secular Muslims got for their money; the glossy pictures and thank you notes. They did not any appointments that matter even on the transition team. On the other hand other communities who invited Obama and his surrogates to the synagogues and churches instead of their elegant homes, got the appointments that matter. According to all the Internet traffic and blogs of progressive citizens that I have seen, Mr. Obama is being already called the first Jewish president of the USA.

I hope that the secular Muslims have learned a lesson. You cannot disown others and call themselves as good Muslims. Muslims in USA have a common destiny and cannot achieve their goals without connection to the mosque and regular Muslims.

What a Waste - Jumma Khutbah

About 300-700 Muslims come to pray on Friday at each mosque. They are captive audience of the Imam and his speech (khutbah). However, I notice usually the attendees tune out what Imam is saying in the first five minutes. The Imam usually tells them how bad they are in their practice of religion. He talks about Hijab for woman 90 percent of the time. However, he does not tell the men that things like beard is also Sunah and pronunce them as Kafirs. Imagine what will be the reaction of a young girl who takes time of work on Friday and hears this. She is likely to stop coming. She needs encouragement. I have found that woman start wearing Hijab on their own when they are ready and are not motivated by Khutbahs.

The Imam's is usually a recent immigrant with poor command of English. It is almost impossible to undersatnd him. He thinks he knows it all about Fiqah and Sunnat. However, his knowledge is rudimentary. According to traditions of the prophet, the Khutbah should be shorter than the time it takes to pray. However, the average Imam holds the audience with his monlogue for 30 minutes instead of a schedule of 15 minutes. The audience are looking at their watches because they have to go back to work. He moves from subject to subject without any direction or central theme. If he was teaching a class instead, all the students will drop out.

I have seen congregations aroused by a young Imam with English as his native tongue. I have seen how the word spreads and mosque gets very active. However, most of the mosques in USA are usually taken over by so called conservative immigrants and they do not like to part their authority. These trustees are usually no where to be seen when the mosque is being built by avearge muslims; however, they appear on the scene immedately after the infrastructure is complete.

What we need is to encourage young bright Muslims to study religion here in United States and not in places like Saudi Arabia. We have to collect funds to award scholarships to these students. Furtermore we have to make the Imam's salary attractive for these bright persons after they graduate.

Saudis - The Real Satans of the World

I went to Makkah and Medina during Ramadan for Umrah. Makkah has five star hotels around the Haram which charge 900 dollars per night during Ramadan and they were all fully booked. Just a few yards from these hotels, I took 100 packets of juice and fruit to handout one Iftar time. I was mobbed. People came from all directions to get a packet of juice, a banana, and and an orange. I could not have imagined the poverty in the great Saudi Arabia which is milking the world with 80-145 dollars per barrel for the oil. I was so upset at lack of dignity these people have to suffer in a rich state that I could not bring myself to do it again. I also remember the solemn and sad faces of Pakistani and Bengladeshi cleaning crew with green and orange uniforms cleaning the roads and courtyard outside the Haram in 125 degree heat for a mere 130 dollars per month. I was ashamed for all Muslims, including me, for tolerating this situation in the land of Prophet Mohammad and Abu Bakar who spent nights looking for needy persons.

I am told the plight of the Pakistanis and Bengladeshis in Dubai is not different from Makkah. The arabs do not pay the wages. I was pleased and proud to be back in the USA. I do not know why the common man in Pakistan blames USA as a Satan nation while the real satans live in the arab countries. I can practice my religion and freedom of expression is much better in USA than in the Arab countries.

Update on December 7, 2008

Todays Washington Post story confirms my observations. See below.

A Critical View of Saudis' Treatment of Foreign Help

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/12/06/AR2008120602149.html